Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I pour the whiskey from now on
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
