Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
