I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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