you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
