So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
