When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She bit a glass in half.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
