By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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