Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
