sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
