If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
