I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
