I think I won the penis lottery.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A bitchslap is in order.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
