I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
