so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
