i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
