Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
