it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
