I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
