I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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