you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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