I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
