i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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