I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
