what day is it and did you see me today?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
