i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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