don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
