hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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