You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
