He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
