I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
