also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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