i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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