You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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