I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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