well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
