too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
