Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
