If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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