The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
