Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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