I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
