if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
