I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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