Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
