I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
