I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
