I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
