Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The best revenge is premature balding
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
