I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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