none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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