So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
