Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
