Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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