I'm laying in your front yard are you home
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
