im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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