If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
