I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
