Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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